There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
