Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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