her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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