I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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