Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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