Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
