Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
