Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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