The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
