2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I CAN MOONWALK!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
