I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
