Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
they're like a gay fantastic four
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
