Do you still have your period?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
