She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
