god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
