I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
