guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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