Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
