i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
