I didn't shave. On purpose
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
