There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
