like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
