It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
