my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
