He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I enjoy the company of your penis
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
