Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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