i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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