I hate your face
there's paper in my vomit.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
