You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
