Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The air was thick with penises
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
