got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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