dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
