vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
