I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
