tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
