i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
