Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
