Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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