im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
