please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
