After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
