Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't deserve a penis
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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