I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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