is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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