listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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