I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
