I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
