Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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