there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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