Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
