Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
