I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
