Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
