I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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